Posts Tagged ‘retard’

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Tom Tom Cruise

December 17, 2008
Yes, I am well aware I have hair like a girl

Yes, I am well aware I have hair like a
lesbian

Tom Cruise.

A man.

(A short one)

A husband.

(Thrice)

A father

(Thrice)

A Scientologist

(Retard)

Did I mention short?

(Like really short, seriously)

A lil’ bit gay

(Quite alot, but he’s bagged some fine ladies to compensate)

And an Actor

(Just)

But now, he may have finally proven there’s nothing that he can’t do, as Tom Cruise plans to release a personally branded satellite navigation system for ships and ocean-liners.

The system will have a big red button which will help ships contact the emergency services, in exchange for a heafty donation to the Church of Scientology. It will also contain most of Cruise’s back catalogue of films to help entertain/distract sailors and passengers alike. At least for a minute until they realise how shit all his films are.

In other news, Valkyrie (his new film) is utterly terrible.

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Entry #1

November 26, 2008

First Entry. How queer. Oh look I’m having a go at the gays only four words in, what a phenomenal achievement. I obviously mean queer as in bizarre or strange – just like my arse, homosexuals do not come into it.

With the use of the word arse in my first paragraph, you may be enlightened to the fact that I am English. Congratulations. No I don’t own a horse and I actually have a severe disliking for tea. So fuck your stereotyping.

Did you see how I presumed you weren’t English there? Obviously stereotyping in itself, making me a big fat fucking hypocrite only eight lines in – another impressive feat. Dammit. Anyway, I believe I am justified in my stereotype because there’s something about blogs which makes the English people incredibly disenchanted with them and the entire process. I mean, plenty of people have a flair for writing, communicating and humour in England, but I think the stumbling block we have encountered is that no-one really gives a shit about anything.

It’s true. Global recession. Our reaction? About fucking time. I mean, no recession in the UK for sixty quarters of economic growth? Just not on, even Guns N Roses tour more often than that.
Such mild retardedness aside, I have very little to say in this first entry. This is a reoccurring theme you may encounter – I very rarely do have anything to say, but regardless I shall try and keep this as updated as possible with mindless and irreverent twiddle.

Peace and Love

CS

(P.S. For a brief background, see About)