Posts Tagged ‘comeback’

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Top 5 Things to Forget About 2008

December 29, 2008

Top 5 Things to Forget About 2008

5.  Britney’s Comeback

I like big butts and I cannot lie, but seriously you're taking the piss

I think the world was a slightly more interesting, and also morally superior place, when Britney was the laughing stock of celebrity culture, barred from seeing her kids, in rehab for alcohol, depression and anger pretty much simultaneously and with her career obliterated into teeny tiny little shards of despair.

But no, to get her career back, they just hauled her into a studio, got her to sing a dozen terrible, generic songs written on the backs of beermats by the pop music industries song writing sweatshop – a conglomerate full of one hit wonders, washed up songwriters from previous decades, and anyone and everyone else the music industry has consumed, prostituted and spat out into a pit of boiling oil and the body fluids of the EMI, Warner, Sony and Universal senior boards.

I fucking hate the music industry.

Anyway, Britney came back, but she might as well have not bothered. Although the world unfortunately contains enough idiots to automatically buy things just because of someones face being plastered on it, such things are inevitable. But let it be consigned to the past, much like Michael Jackson’s comeback a few years ago has snuck out of the memory of most, due to how awful it was and the distracting number of jokes about him sleeping with kiddies.

4. Indiana Jones 4

I don’t think anything else needs to be said.

This was also one of my Top 5 world Changing Events of 2008, see for more info.

In case you can’t be fucked to click, I’ll keep it short, it is 2008’s shining example of how we increasingly live in a world driven by a desire for easy living in place of hard work. Why make a new film concept when we can whore out this old, successful one. Because it makes you a dickhead. And it makes the world a worse place.

Let’s hope Indiana is written into the annals of time to be a trilogy, and no more.

3. Heather Mills McCartney
Seriously, the quicker history consigns Heather Mills (no longer McCartney) to a dusty and forgotten neverland, the better. The woman has reminded the entire world that stupid bitches do very much so still exist  and that satan does have a bride.

To marry a man, put your legs behind your head and take it from a Beatle for two years and then demand £40 million pounds makes her essentially, little more than an expensive whore. This is despite the fact due to a hilarious accident which possibly reveals the existence of either karma or a benevolent God, she had one of her legs blown off. If sticking her legs behind her head was all she did, she’s been getting away with doing just half the work of a usual, uncrippled prostitute, yet still walked away with one of the largest court settlements ever. Cheeky bitch!

Attached Video Evidence:

Both of these are well worth your time should you wish to laugh some more at Heather,

2. The country of Iceland

Who?

If your thinking, who? Then you’re doing well and anticipating the arc of history.

Iceland is a small icy (no shit) island in Europe, which according to Atlas.com, is like quite abit up from Scotland and left abit from Norway.

Anyway, Iceland will probably soon be something forgotten from our collective consciousness. To be honest, its abit out the way and incredibly shit, so if we just ignored it for a few years, it probably would just disappear and be rubbed off our maps. More importantly though, it is the most exposed economy in the world regarding the global credit crunch – it turns out every Icelandic bank had taken all its customers money and then pissed it down a drain.

So hilariously screwed is the Icelandic economy, the only ever semi-famous person from Iceland – singer Bjork, is now leading the economic recovery. Yes. Seriously. Check here.

Expect 2008 to be the last time you here of poor little Iceland. For they will be forgotten. That or they will sell themselves to Russia to give them the Atlantic….

(oh yeah, Russia are going to take over the world pretty soon, but I haven’t blogged about it yet. Watch this space)

1. George Bush

It’s over!

Next month, he’ gone. Forever. Constitutional barred from returning.

2008 will be the last year George Bush pops up much at all I expect, unless he gets bored and starts doing news-worthy things like take drugs, use whores or promote any form of sensible, liberal politics.

With him finally out of the limelight, it means we can start to forget. And heal. From his savage raping of the world. Our bumhole may hurt for a few more years yet, but with time, things will get better, and we can begin to forget.

2008 will be defined by his replacement of course, but also his departure. Expect 2008 to be a line in history – the end of an era, a changing of the guard and the creation of a new time, age and zeitgeist.

The last year the world saw 12 months like that was probably 1979-1980 – with its parallel economic problems, social problems and changing politics. With 2008 behind us, let us march full speed ahead to 2009.