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Tom Tom Cruise

December 17, 2008
Yes, I am well aware I have hair like a girl

Yes, I am well aware I have hair like a
lesbian

Tom Cruise.

A man.

(A short one)

A husband.

(Thrice)

A father

(Thrice)

A Scientologist

(Retard)

Did I mention short?

(Like really short, seriously)

A lil’ bit gay

(Quite alot, but he’s bagged some fine ladies to compensate)

And an Actor

(Just)

But now, he may have finally proven there’s nothing that he can’t do, as Tom Cruise plans to release a personally branded satellite navigation system for ships and ocean-liners.

The system will have a big red button which will help ships contact the emergency services, in exchange for a heafty donation to the Church of Scientology. It will also contain most of Cruise’s back catalogue of films to help entertain/distract sailors and passengers alike. At least for a minute until they realise how shit all his films are.

In other news, Valkyrie (his new film) is utterly terrible.

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One comment

  1. So, in other words, he’s making a Cruise ship?

    (It had to be said!)



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