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Nativity Scene is INACCURATE, Claims Expert

December 5, 2008

The classic scene of the baby Jesus, born in a stable and surrounded by Mary and Joseph, loving visitors and farmyard animals is inaccurate, according to a leading Christian Scholar.

Reverend Dan Browne has put forward his alternative, refined nativity scene, which is based on recently unearthed primary sources and records, to coincide with this years festival celebrations and hopes to change the way people conceptualise the coming of the lord.

Scene incorrectly portrayed by the Bible

Dan Brown: "Scene incorrectly portrayed by the Bible

“I want to de construct the current myth of Christmas” said Browne, in an exclusive interview. “Firstly, the heroism of the ‘little donkey’, who ‘carried Mary, safely on her way’ is a popular part of the nativity story. However, for a little donkey to carry a heavily pregnant woman from Nazareth to Bethlehem (approximately 70 miles) is obviously absurd; realistically, within a few hours, little donkey would have become a little dead.

“Secondly”, claims Browne, “there were no three wise men following yonder star, but it likely that their were three drunk vagabonds, attracted by the sparkly lights of the stable and the screaming due to Mary’s birth pains. They most likely wanted to touch the baby for good luck and possibly because, like many homeless and scary people, they like the smell of newborn babies”.

Browne also reveals that the shepherds, who were told to go to see the baby Jesus by the Angel Gabriel, were most likely just cattle-rustlers, who were alarmed after breaking into yet another Bethlehem barn, to find not cattle but the Messiah.

“It’s surprising, if not shocking stuff I know” concludes Browne. “But hey, the whole thing centres around a virgin giving birth to the son of God, so good luck calling bullshit on it”.

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One comment

  1. Hi there. Is that the same Dan Brown as the (highly historically accurate, well-written literary masterpiece) the Da Vinci code? If so, no wonder, cos he’s yet again showing the same inability to distinguish between what the bible claims happened (and therefore thoughtful christians believe) and the hocus-pocus traditions that have accumulated around the bible story in the 2k years since.

    For example, there’s no heroic little donkey in the bible story. Neither are the three wise men (actually, the bible doesn’t claim there were three, or comment on how many there were) included in the nativity scene, it’s likely they visited quite a while after the birth.

    In other words, the traditional nativity scene is a bit of a myth anyway, and not what the bible actually claims things were like. So, fine, deconstruct away Dan Brown. So long as you don’t think you’re going to persuade or dissuade any thoughtful christian who actually reads his/her bible.



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